Wednesday, May 30, 2012

working...

I am very lucky to be living on the PCT. I left my home, my family, my friends all behind. I ended a long term relationship with an amazing person who was my best friend in the world, all while still not knowing what I was looking for or trying to accomplish by coming out here to hike for 2700 miles.
I knew there would be a hiking community to slip into, but mainly I was coming out here just for a change in direction in my life and try to prove I could physically do what it takes, become healthier, but was expecting nothing real deep or meaningful.
What I didn't anticipate was that the change in direction would be more internal than physical. I have lots of issues I need to work out and really confront and how amazingly powerful and healing the trail is. Those areas within myself that are hard to deal with and trying to get to the root of my problems, and working to try and understand why my instinctual reactions to my issues is one that leads to getting even more down on myself. Confronting my battles head-on was something that was nearly impossible before I started hiking this spring. Now that I am out here, trekking day after day while becoming wiser, stronger, healthier, it has given me a sense of pride in myself, a feeling of confidence where I am able to face those inner demons more direct and for the first time in my life, so i can make some progress towards being a better person, friend, son, brother, lover...

Thanks to all of you who continue to send kind words, emails, txts... You are making this all such an awesome experience, and for those of you who know me, I hope the change is as evident when you see me as it feels inside me, because I already feel like a completely different person than when I last saw you.

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